❤️‍🩹Healing the Part of Me No One Knew Was Hurting...

Hey friends,

If you're reading this… you’re not just a listener, you are part of something deeper.

This isn’t just a recap of Episode 5. This is the space where I say the things I didn’t have time—or maybe courage—to fully unpack in the mic.

This is the part I only share with those who are really walking this journey with me.

So here it is—raw and real:

I grew up in Malanje, Angola. A place full of beauty, culture, and so many hidden wounds. I don’t remember anyone ever telling me it was okay to feel what I felt. And truthfully, I didn’t know what I was feeling—I just knew I felt unseen.

My brother and I were both sick; he had respiratory issues, and I had constant crises. Sickle cell doesn’t ask for permission—it just takes. And while my mom fought hard to keep us both alive, there was only so much of her to go around.

And I get it. I truly do. But even understanding doesn’t cancel out the ache. Even knowing my mother loved me fiercely doesn’t erase how invisible I felt when her focus had to be on whoever was in the bigger crisis, him struggling to breath or me struggling to walk or talk.

That kind of invisibility doesn’t just pass. It settles in your bones. It follows you into adulthood, into friendships, into dating, into how you talk to yourself in the mirror.

No one around me really knew I was hurting like that. I didn’t know how to say it, and honestly—I was afraid if I said anything, I’d sound ungrateful.

But here’s what I’ve learned, and what I didn’t get to say in the episode:You can honor someone’s effort and still name your pain. You can understand why something happened and still be impacted by it.

That’s not betrayal. That’s healing.

And the truth is, for most of my life, I felt like I had to earn love. Like unless I was in pain, I didn’t matter. Like being low-maintenance made me worthy. That mindset didn’t come out of nowhere—it came from being shaped by survival.

I’m unlearning all of that now. It’s tender. It’s holy. And it’s hard.

I’ve been holding onto this quote from Ann Voskamp like a lifeline:

“Feelings are meant to be felt—and then released like leaves into the wind.”

That’s what this blog is. Me letting some leaves go.

Here’s what I hope you carry from this episode (and this post):

• You can love your family and still speak your truth.

• You can be both grateful and grieving.

• You deserve to be seen for who you are, not just what you survive.

• You are not a burden for needing care that wasn't available when you needed it.

This podcast is one way I’m healing. But this space—this blog—is where I’m telling the truth a little deeper. And I hope it gives you permission to tell yours too.

Thank you for being here. Thank you for listening past the words and into the heart.

If you haven’t listened yet, Episode 5 is streaming now on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube—with subtitles in English, Spanish, and Portuguese.

🎧 Listen on Spotify📺 Watch with subtitles on YouTube

And if this stirred something in you… don’t rush past it. Sit with it. Write about it. Or message me—this space was created for connection, not performance.

You don’t have to heal alone. And you don’t have to keep pretending you’re fine.

With so much love,

Jaja💛